


i like me better when i’m with you

by milkyology_xx (cloudchasers_xx)



Category: Designated Survivor (TV)
Genre: Almost No Dialogue, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Implied Child Abuse, Implied homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Minor Character Death, back on my crackhead bullshit, everything is great and nothing hurts, for once, hannah gets a happy ending, hannah has a shitty childhood in this, no beta we die like patrick llyod
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24536662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudchasers_xx/pseuds/milkyology_xx
Summary: The next time Hannah falls in love, she’s in fourth grade now, with big brown eyes which have seen too much. Love’s name is Ethan and he’s taller than last time. This time, he’s got dark brown hair that’s so curly, it looks like a wig. Hannah pulls on it one time to see if it’ll come off. It doesn’t. But Love gets really mad and storms off, face red from anger. Or maybe embarrassment, Hannah can’t tell.alternatively, hannah and the different people she falls in love with.[happy pride month! this fic is to commemorate pride month!]
Relationships: Hannah Wells/Kendra Daynes, Hannah Wells/Original Female Character(s), Hannah Wells/Original Male Character(s), Hannah Wells/Scott Wheeler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	i like me better when i’m with you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hideous_Sun_Demon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hideous_Sun_Demon/gifts).



> CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK-
> 
> this is a crack relationship thing i have for a while now and i finally have the balls to finish it
> 
> (i like me better by lauv)

* * *

When Hannah first falls in love, she’s a five year old girl with big brown eyes which have yet to see the world. At least, this is what she thinks love feels like. She doesn’t know Love’s name, doesn’t know what angry identifier to yell at him when he grabs a fistful of her hair and yanks. She just knows to kick dirt up onto his clothes as if on instinct even as the dirt ruins her brand new sneakers. Dad will be mad, she knows, but it’s worth the angry look Love gets on his face as the dirt finds its way onto his brand new white jeans. Hannah giggles as Love stomps off.

 _That will make him leave me alone_ , Hannah thinks, but Love persists. He pulls the plastic flower clips out of her hair and steals her coat when it rains, which always makes Dad upset. Love is a year older than her with tan skin that always smells like sunscreen and the blondest hair she’s ever seen. He laughs when she’s upset but a part of Hannah likes the attention, even if she cries when he pushes her off the slide or when he swings her a little too high on the swings.

The next day, as she’s sitting under the obscenely large oak tree and admiring the ants that are busily collecting food the other children have dropped, Love stomps up to her with loud taunts and insults. Secretly, Hannah is glad to see him. But instead, she outwardly acts as if she hates him, firing back angry retorts like she had practiced in the mirror last night.

Love starts stomping on the ants when he notices her admiring them and she’s immediately on her feet, yelling at him to stop. He sneers at her. “I’ll stop if you give me a kiss,” he taunts immaturely.

And Hannah, precious little Hannah, with big brown eyes which have yet to see the world, would do anything to save the ants.

“Fine!” She balls up her fists as tight as her father does when he’s angry as Love makes a kissy face. He presents her his cheek but she presses her lips to his cracked, dried ones like she’d seen Dad do to his new girlfriend. He jumps away as his friends laugh. His face is red and he runs away, rubbing his lips angrily on the back of his hand. Hannah sees Love on the playground sometimes but he never looks her in the eyes. It’s scary how much she misses Love’s attention.

* * *

The next time Hannah falls in love, she’s in fourth grade now, with big brown eyes which have seen too much. Love’s name is Ethan and he’s taller than last time. This time, he’s got dark brown hair that’s so curly, it looks like a wig. Hannah pulls on it one time to see if it’ll come off. It doesn’t. But Love gets really mad and storms off, face red from anger. Or maybe embarrassment, Hannah can’t tell.

He’s one of the only black boys in her grade and the other boys tease him for his dark skin. Hannah thinks he’s beautiful. She tells him so, maybe a little too loudly, and Love walks off again, with embarrassment, to the laughter of the kids that have heard her. They ride the same bus even though they’re in different neighborhoods and, sometimes if the bus is really full, Hannah sits down right next to him. Love always gets the window seat. He tells funny jokes, she finds out.

Sometimes at recess, Hannah will steal the beanie he wears right off his head and run around giggling as he tries to get it back. But maybe she takes it a little too far because Love tells the teacher and Hannah pouts through the rest of recess. That night, Hannah finds out the school had called her dad. She doesn’t walk without limping for a week. Bus rides are a lot more quiet after that. 

Slowly, Love fades.

* * *

The next time Love arrives, Hannah’s in 8th grade. All of her friends have boyfriends that they barely talk to but hold hands with. This time, Love is a girl. The teacher calls her Abigail but she politely asks to be called Abby. Hannah immediately has a crush on her.

This time, Hannah is scared of Love. And she’s scared of the way Love makes her feel. She knows it’s wrong, Dad always says so about the gay couple that lives down the street. Hannah buries her feelings as best she can, even when the teacher moves Love to the desk right next to hers. They share scissors sometimes and pass brightly colored sticky notes back and forth while different teachers drone on about their subjects.

When Hannah tries out for the basketball team, she makes it. Love does too. They practice together during lunch with some of the other girls. They’re always on the same team and Love high fives her every time she makes a basket. But Love also goes to church every Sunday and says mean things about the librarian with short hair and a wife who sometimes brings her lunch. 

At the end of the year, Love moves to Arizona.

* * *

Sophomore year, Love reappears as a girl named Charlie. She’s got a tongue piercing that would drive her father crazy and that always clinks against Hannah’s teeth when they kiss for a long time. She smells like cigarettes everyday after lunch but Hannah does too, so she doesn’t mind.

Hannah loses her virginity to this Love. It’s at a party in somebody’s little sister’s bedroom and Hannah finds the dolls on the bed creepy but she lets Love bunch up her skirt anyway. She ends up faking it and then returning the favor. Hannah only remembers bits and pieces now. The hangover afterwards makes Hannah quit drinking for a while.

They date for a year. But only in secret because they’re both scared. And then Love calls her a “worthless, dirty bitch.” even though Hannah wasn’t the one who cheated. Love leaves and for a moment, Hannah is reminded of her father, who’s always at work and has barely any time for her. 

Hannah doesn’t cry. She sneaks her father’s liquor and drinks over her lost relationship. This time, her father doesn’t find out.

* * *

Love doesn’t reappear until Senior year of college. Hannah has been working hard, making sure that she gets good grades so that her father stays happy. He rarely stays at home, which is a good thing. Love’s name is Lauren and she’s got pure blonde hair that isn’t dyed. Hannah loves to run her fingers through it as they lay naked in bed at night. Love tries to cook her dinner but always burns the meals so they eat a lot of takeout and processed foods.

Senior year is the most fun Hannah’s ever had, until her father goes too far, and Hannah packs up and leave while nursing two broken ribs and a sprained ankle. She leaves her new address at Lauren’s place, but Lauren never writes to her.

Hannah doesn’t cry.

* * *

Hannah meets a new Love in the FBI academy. She’s scrawny and twitchy and Hannah honestly doesn’t understand how she was even accepted. They share the same bunk and Love cries every night for a week straight before Hannah takes her under her wing. They train together even though Hannah out-performs her every time. Love never seems to mind. They only kiss one time before they get sent out into the middle of a fight and Love doesn’t come back.

Hannah still doesn’t cry.

* * *

After that Hannah shuts down, until Hannah meets a new Love. Love’s name is Scott and it’s the most fun Hannah’s had in years, even if they have to stay a secret. It’s a year filled of fun, until the Capitol blows up. Hannah calls and calls, but Scott never answers.

This time, Hannah cries.

* * *

Hannah avoids having Loves for a while, until she sets eyes on a new Love. Love is everything Hannah isn’t ; she’s loud, funny, and hopelessly in love with burgers. Love has brown shoulder cut hair. Hannah likes spending time with Love, makes her feel the tingles, more than any of her Loves have. Love has two annoying best friends who have yet to “get their shit together”, or that’s what Love says. 

She musters up the courage to ask Love out on a date, but horribly fails. She ends up jumbling up her words. Hannah’s embarrassed, but Love just laughs and presses a kiss to her cheek. Hannah takes that as a yes, and brings Love to a burger place.

At the end of their date, Love kisses her and she kisses back. Love tastes like fries and coke, but it’s alright, because Hannah does too. Slowly, Love’s shackles start to lower. Hannah asks her on a second date and Love doesn’t say no. And then when Hannah asks again, she doesn’t say _no_ the third time, or the time after that either.

Love is the kind of person who would stay up late with Hannah in her office when she works overtime, bringing her own paperwork. Love is the kind of person who would lace tea with brandy whenever Hannah has a nightmare and spends her nights holding Hannah, despite Hannah’s protests. Love is the kind of person who loves Hannah, despite all her flaws. Love is the only person Hannah would give her life up for. Hannah loves Love with all her heart.

Love’s name is Kendra.  
  



End file.
